(W)inning the Game of Stress
Stress. Who hasn’t felt it on a daily basis. There is so much going on in each of our lives it becomes overwhelming to think about adding more to our plate. Some of our lives are upside down and spinning out of control. “The Inner Game of Stress” (W. Timothy Gallwey, Edwards S. Hanzelik, M.D. and John Horton, M.D.) explains that chronic stress ” …is caused largely by the way people perceived the events and circumstances of their lives-and not the realities themselves.” Perception is reality. Change the perception and change your stress level.
The big misnomer is that stress happens to us and not something we cannot control. It’s the way in which we internalize and handle events and activities that causing stressful feelings. Do you have control over stress to some degree? Absolutely, 100 %, yes.
Honestly ask yourself these questions to gain an understanding on where you can begin to decrease your stress levels.
- What outcomes or people am I trying to control for my own personal gain or benefit?
- What is controlling me that I could or should be saying “no” to? Will people still “like” me? Yes!
- What are unproductive thoughts of situations, events or “what if’s” that probably won’t come true?
- What are external conflicts that I play over and over in my head or continue to tell others about which revives these feelings?
- What am I yearning for that is causing me to stall my future?
- In my personal circle, who am I associating with that is devaluating me and my future?
- What types of time management tools am I utlitizing to protect myself against time stealers?
- Do I have goals for the future and have a way to reach out to others in the community to help me?
Once we have clarity around these questions we can begin to control our perception of the external factors of our lives. We begin to establish new thought patterns and ways to set boundaries around our priorities in a way which still maintains positive relationships. We look for tools that can help us maintain control.
The only person we have control over is ourselves and what situations we allow ourselves to be in. In addition, we control our attitude and feelings towards others as well as thoughts of the future. Make your perception a positive move towards your priorities. You’ll feel more in control and perceive events and people with less stress. I highly recommend ….
Be healthy and fabulous!
Sandra Larkin, CWPM
Certified Wellness Program Manager
June 11th, 2010 - Posted in ABC's, attitude, emotional, habits, health, stress, workplace wellness | | 0 Comments
(V)ictory Over the “What If’s”
Nothing stays the same. Change happens every moment and we just hope it doesn’t happen every moment to us. What can we do to put ourselves in the forefront of change and manage it properly? Ultimately, that’s up to us how we react and take action.
We can easily come down with a bad case of the “What If’s”. What if it’s worse than they’re telling me? What if I lose my job? What if he/she won’t forgive me? You get the picture because we’ve all been there done that and possibly as early as today.
Here are some tips to get us through those time to the other side which is call “Knowledge and Action”.
- Know the theory of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy also known as You Get What You Expect. Expect bad and negative and, bingo, it magically appears. Expect positive and great things and slowly it will come to you. The key is that you need to be watching for it.
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Talk to yourself with more Positive Self talk vs. Negative Self Talk
- Visualize the positive. Stop dwelling on the “what if’s”. Most won’t come true.
- Attack the problem head on. Without some movement towards a solution, the problem still exists for days, weeks, months at a time.
- Be open minded. Resist using past experience to judge the future.
- Don’t dwell on the past. That’s why it’s the past. Learn from it and make leaps toward growing yourself out of the situation.
- Don’t view life as an all or nothing proposition. Failure stems from this thinking patten. One thing may be wrong but not everything.
- Don’t’ take rejection personally. It’s just not the right fit, right job, right moment, right person, etc… Your unique and the right fit will uniquely fit you.
- Avoid mind reading. Speak up and ask in a respectful manner. We need facts not fiction to get through change.
With the New Year right around the corner, we should make a decision to stop living in the house of “What If’’s” and move to the house of Possibility and Action. Possibility and action lead to solutions, growth and strength in us and transcends to others around us.
Sandra Larkin, CWPM
Certified Wellness Program Manager
All rights reserved © 2009 Sandra Larkin Wellness Strategies, LLC
November 17th, 2009 - Posted in ABC's, attitude, change, communication, emotional, intellectual, productivity | | 0 Comments
(S)ecrets of Success In Four Strategic Steps
Success is defined differently by every person. For some, it means a promotion, gaining material possessions, creating additional income, realizing internal growth or helping and serving others. However we define success, it’s personal and just right for us. Others cannot define it for us or tell us what our success should be. Each of us comes up to the table to feast on success in terms that we desire and a definition that we super impose on it.
We don’t just wake up one day and proof we’re successful. We can’t rub elbows with the rich and famous and automatically claim to be a self made success story. It’s our journey and effort that puts us dead center into our self made success definition where others see our effort, sacrifice, gains and losses. Others respect and support our “why” for keeping the light burning to reach our dreams.
There are secrets to success and they come in four (4) strategic steps.
Success Strategy #1. Define what success means to you.
What does it mean to you? If you can’t define it, you can’t measure it and you don’t know when you have reached milestones to get there. For example, success means to me “Helping businesses make money and people become successful.” Short, simple and a continual reach. I will never “arrive” at success but get a continual conformation that I have reach this eight (8) word sentence. Define it in simple terms, easy, quick and make it fun!
Success Strategy #2. Develop A Flexible Plan of Action
If we proclaim,”Ok, I’ve defined what success means to me. Now, come and get me.”, we’ll probably be standing the same spot a year from now without making any movement towards our goal. Some people seem to think that sitting, waiting, quietly with hands folded in their lap will bring success to them. In some cases, it might but for most of us it requires action, a little bit of planning, alot of patience and a huge amount of flexibility.
Put a five (5) to ten (10) year plan together on how you THINK you might get there with resources and action steps. THINK is in BIG letters because it most likely WON’T happen according to our plan. Our plan is a guide that will have twist, turns, road blocks, successes, failures and frustration. Knowing that leads us to Success Strategy #3.
Success Strategy #3. Learn To Be Patient. Your Going To Need It
Once you make the proclamation that your on the road to success, the Universe will test you to see if you have what it takes to reach the success you desire. You will plant many seeds where most won’t sprout. When just a few do, you will reap a fresh harvest of internal growth, legacy to others and success they way you defined it. It probably won’t come close to the plan you developed but it will come in the right measures, the right people and the right opportunities.
For example, I started off in Information Technology and ended up writing a book, coaching people to improvement and success, owning my own business(s), becoming an international speaker and corporate trainer. A far cry from what I wrote down on paper many years ago. The journey was interesting and frustrating and it still continues to energize me.
Success Strategy #4. Don’t Leave Dead Body’s In Your Path.
We can become extremely focused on obtaining success that we leave behind our family, friends, co-workers, and even the family dog or cat. They lie there all beat up by our harsh words, negative attitude, actions or inaction with no consideration that they are an important part of the process and most likely come first. If we have patience and enjoy the journey, our relaxed demeanor actually draws success to us rather than push it away. Emulate someone you want your family and friends to be proud of. Someone who gains the respect and trust of others and are happy for your milestones of success. Someone that others will want to help and be drawn to rather than run away from.
Like we’ve heard before … Success is a journey. Enjoy the process, the pain and exhilaration of the action to reach your goals and dreams. It’s in the process that we grow, learn and impact others to learn and serve. Continue to be patient and practice a positive attitude.
Be healthy and fabulous!
Sandra Larkin, CWPM
Certified Wellness Program Manager
www.sandralarkin.com
www.healthyprofitsbook.com
All rights reserved. Contents ©2009 Sandra Larkin Wellness Strategies, LLC
August 24th, 2009 - Posted in ABC's, attitude, intellectual, occupational | | 1 Comments
(R)einvest in YOU!
If you don’t think you have the time to exercise, read, take a walk, attend classes, be social or breath, you probably don’t. Our perception is our reality. In other words, what we perceive is real to us. For example, if you think your right when your in an argument, you are because that’s your perception. It’s pretty hard for someone to change your point of view. And when they try, look out!
This is a frustrating place as we feel like we’re in a rut, running in circles, unproductive and lacking a positive attitude. It feels like we’re defeated before our feet hit the floor each morning. We should strive to change what we can and that starts with our perception.
So how do we change our perception of lack to gain. We need to look at what we do as a reinvestment in ourselves. We can change ….
- I don’t have time to look for another job … to … I have at least 15 minutes per day to check out job sites.
- I’m so busy, I can’t look for healthy receipies … to …. I can plan out my meals on the weekend for the coming week.
- I can’t exercise because I work long hours …. to … I can walk at lunch with a buddy or join a local fitness center for lunch time exercise.
- I can’t read the newspaper each night …. to … I can scan the newspaper for interest stories or positive news <or> listen to 15 minutes of CNN or MSNBC.
- I don’t have time to take self-help classess … to … I can borrow self help books on CD from the library and listen to them on the way to and from work, running errands, etc.
- I can’ seem to keep my house organized …. to … I can spend 15 minutes each day to housework or organizing a drawer, folding laundry or going through a stack of papers.
Reinvesting in ourselves creates confidence, empowerment, focus, productivity and just plain feels good. We don’t have to make a huge public declaration that “OK, I’m going to make time for myself so things have to change!”. We just do it slowly and deliberatly. Others will notice.
This is not a race to see who can be different in the next six months. This is your personal journey to reinvestment. This is a reinvestment in yourself, your time, your lifestyle, your dreams and your impacts on life.
Be healthy and fabulous
Sandra Larkin, CWPM
Certified Wellness Program Manager
www.sandralarkin.com
www.healthyprofitsbook.com
All rights reserved. Contents ©2009 Sandra Larkin Wellness Strategies, LLC
August 21st, 2009 - Posted in ABC's, attitude, habits, intellectual | | 0 Comments
(O)pportunities: Destination Unknown
Each of us carries our own personal definition of opportunity based on past experience. To some, the definition may be centered on growth while others may view opportunity as a means of fear and resistance to change.
August 11th, 2009 - Posted in ABC's, Uncategorized, attitude, change, emotional, habits | | 2 Comments
(N)ever Giving Up
Seasons of the year. Some we love, some we wish away and some we embrace with a “get through it” attitude. The seasons of life can be compared to the changing seasons of the year. We enter into birth (spring) with growth and pushing through the challenges. Then onto being a child (summer) with fun and exploration. Next, is adulthood (fall), with the changing colors of careers, perspectives’ and continual daily activity. Finally, winter (retirement), where we settle down but not necessarily settle in and embrace and participate in the new seasons of those around us.
What about the seasons of our daily lives? From job loss to finding another job that’s a better fit for our talent, losing a coveted project to gaining a promotion, losing weight to gaining strength and flexibility and losing a battle in the workplace to gain respect and credibility in how we handled it.
No matter where we are, embracing the season is key to finding opportunity and leaving your mark on the past. Understand that what appears to be negative can really be a defining moment to change into the next season with positive expectation and exploration. Watching nature change through the seasons gives us a plan on how to adjust to our own. Nature gently embraces it’s future letting go of the past. For example, fall leaves turn from green to an extraordinary display of color as it gently moves into colder weather. We too can gently embrace our daily change with a color of positive expectation and exploration. Make this your season of doing the unexpected and embrace the season with a attitude of growth and opportunity.
August 6th, 2009 - Posted in ABC's, attitude, emotional, intellectual, productivity | | 0 Comments
(M)otivation: Cure or Curse
All of us have either set a goal or seen a speaker that has inspired us to change behavior or reach new levels. We begin the new journey with positive thoughts and actions along with a vision of what it will look like on the other end. Some of us get stimulated to work through the challenges. While others defuse or deflate when life places a boulder in our road to success.
Motivation can be a cure if we are willing to layout a plan and commit to win regardless of what it takes to reap the rewards. For example, a marathon runner doesn’t show up on race day and begin the 26.2 mile run. They prepare for at least six months with a consistent plan of action. During that time, there are challenges in the form of weather, potential injury, tiredness, and time constraints. By placing their foot on the track at race day, they’ve already reached the finish line due to their motivation to stick it out and see it through.
On the other hand, motivation can be a curse if we have set high expectations with an inappropriate time frame. For example, we start training for the marathon two months prior to race day. We also risk lowering our self esteem and the “stick to it” glue to reach lofty goals and self transformation.
Use motivation as a tool to help stay the course realizing there is no magic pill for success. Motivation is ultimately INTERNAL, meaning we are the drivers for success. Motivation that’s EXTERNAL, as in other peoples needs and wishes, has a high probability for failure. Choose your correct motivation and reach for the stars.
August 3rd, 2009 - Posted in ABC's, attitude, emotional, habits, intellectual, performance, productivity | | 0 Comments
(L)eadership - Negotiating The Slippery Slope
We all know people who positively lead others and get things done. They seem to have been born with the ability to take people to a place of empowerment and help them them reach their goals. Most of them possess the same characteristics:
- have a positive attitude
- forward thinking vision
- ask questions
- look at the big picture
- discover and use other peoples strengths and talents
- negotiate conflict well most of the time
It looks simple, easy and transparent. Others think of them as mentors and personal advocates.
No one is born with the ability to lead. We are not given sprinkles of leader ability. The truth is that everyone has the opportunity to learn and develop into a leader. Along the way we learn, stretch and grow into leadership in small ways.
Leadership as a slippery slope no matter what position or situation you find yourself in. We can sabotage our own good intentions as these actions appear normal to us.
What does the slippery slope look along our way to wiping strong leadership and replacing it with self inflicting sabotage.
- We become more of a friend with the people we lead then a leader. Whoops, we fall when we need to deliver bad news as to not hurt the “friendship”. We want to be liked more than lead.
- Being extremely empathetic. This looks like “I feel your pain!’” when being told that another can’t come into work or do this or that for various reasons. Leaders need to care but not to the point that someone takes advantage of their empathy… and it WILL happen.
- Refusing to be the role model that we want others to emulate. You were chosen as a leader so step up and show the world what that looks like. Others will rise or fall to that expectation. Raise others up not push them down with your role as a leader.
- Telling others that we do not agree with a management decision and why. Although we might not always agree with decision, we can position it so that our “opinion” is kept out of the mix. If you don’t buy in to it, then they won’t either.
Leave your ski’s at home and take the safe way down. Leading others in business, family or personal can be a rewarding and growing experience.
May 19th, 2009 - Posted in ABC's, Uncategorized, attitude, intellectual | | 0 Comments
(K)now The 5 Areas of Beautiful Strength
I walked into a national sporting goods store and saw a Nike tee shirt with the phase “Strong is the new beautiful”. Up until then, I never thought about beauty or health in that way. With so much media attention paid to an “image” of beauty, we sometimes lose focus on what beauty and strength can be in other life areas. This also apples to men as beauty and health are gaining a greater focus on their side of the fence.
I stopped to think about if I was developing strength in the five areas of strategic wellness: physical, emotional, intellectual, social and occupational. Where is my strength in each area? Am I working towards strength? If not, let’s get to the big WHY?
- Are my muscles strong to lift and bend? Are they lean and flexible? Can I stretch and just plain move?
- Have I dusted out the cobwebs of any emotional issues or pain and begin to heal the past hurts?
- Am I doing enough to educate myself by attending free webinar’s, reading, blogging, joining online user groups for support and inspiration and attending professional development classes?
- Then there’s the social aspect with community, friends and family. Have I been reaching out, going out and or just plain being out? With the busyness of the past few months, we tend to hunker in for the long winter.
- Finally, am I planning on reaching my full occupational potential? If yes, what plans do I have to increase my value as an employee and reach new heights in my career?
Our hearts desire can be strong. Each of us will ask our own strength questions to see how heart healthy we’ve become. Beauty follows with confidence, joy, youthful expression and a positive attitude of wealth and happiness.
Be healthy and fabulous!
Sandra
April 22nd, 2009 - Posted in ABC's, Uncategorized, attitude, emotional, health, intellectual, occupational, physical, social | | 0 Comments
(J)ustifying Our Measuring Stick
Where you ever in a conversation where you didn’t totally agree with someone. Your kinda looking at them sideways trying to understand their point of view but are not quite getting it. This happen to me recently. Jim was telling me how he “coached” a co-worker into looking at their own personal measuring stick to measure results.
Jim was approached by a co-worker, Kevin, and given a great compliment. Basically, that the job he was doing was “great” and that Kevin could never measure up to the work ethic or results of Jim on this particular project. Jim commented that we have our own personal measuring sticks on how we measure results. Kevin should use his own measuring stick to find his own “job well done”.
I agreed with Jim on using his own personal measuring stick. The first person we need to please is ourselves. That’s what produces our self confidence for the future. In contrast, our measuring stick is made up of many inches.
- Inch one -past personal and professional experiences
- Inch two -family upbringing
- Inch three -work ethic
- Inch four - failures in life and business
- Inch five - successes
- and … so on
But ….. what if …. our personal measuring stick is too low and we use this as a way to quit, avoid and not strive for success.
Joining my own thoughts to Jim’s would look like this.
We have our own personal measuring sticks on how we measure results. We should visualize a measuring stick that is much longer. Those inches should reflect a variety of expectations
- what is required to complete the job
- how my management team will measure me on a “job well done”
- how does this fit into my personal and professional development plan
- the areas of growth I need to be successful
- s-t-r-e-a-t-c-h-i-n-g and g-r-o-w-i-n-g even though it’s uncomfortable
When we stop striving we settle. Right now in history, we have tremendous opportunities. Regardless of the economy or our financial status, we can continue to stretch ourselves to prepare for a greater future. Our measuring stick should be growing by yards as our experiences and development increase. We are forging the inches on this stick to be even better for future opportunities.
Keep adding inches to your personal measuring stick. To stop striving is settling. Status quo may not always be the way to go.
Be healthy and fabulous!
Sandra
September 16th, 2008 - Posted in ABC's, Uncategorized, attitude, change, intellectual, occupational, performance, productivity | | 1 Comments
